Super Wuss

Okay, it's official......I'm a wuss when I'm sick! I always figured myself to be strong and independent, able to fend off germs with a mere sneere, scoffing at their pitiful attempts at slowing me down....ha! I laugh in their general direction! No germ will bring me snivilling to my knees in self pity! People say, "Oh you poor thing, you must feel awful!" to which I bravely respond, "It's nothing I can't handle. I'm fine!" and then I proceed to hack up a lung, all the while wearing that not so convincing smile. Ya know, that works sometimes, but now I'm coming to the realization that I feel like crap and I want my mommyyyyyyyy!!!

I don't wanna be strong! I want to lay in bed feeling sorry for myself and have someone dote upon me and indulge my every need!
"Sniffle....can I have a cup of tea? The lemon one with Chamomille? And a teaspoon of honey in it? We don't have any? Well.....ah-CHOO! Snort.....okay, I'm sure I'll be fine without it.....cough cough. What? You'll go get some? Oh, you're too good to me! (weak smile)"

Alright, maybe I exaggerate (a little), but I am starting to feel that toughing it out is overrated. Sure I want to pretend like I'm fine because maybe if I believe it then the germs will start believing it too and give up! And I certainly don't want to sound like a whiner, but the fact remains that I'm not well! Plus I have the added bonus of every virus taking full advantage of my athsma-weakened lungs, making the simplest cold a painful and exhausting experience. So why do I expend all my energy into trying to hide how ill I really feel? We all do it.....admit it! But why?

Granted, it would get annoying if every time we asked someone, "Hey! How are you?" they would actually tell us! Ahhhh! We all know someone like that, don't we? Wink wink! But wouldn't it be nice if sometimes we could just say how we feel, let it all out and know that someone is there to nurture us back to health? I'm sure many of you do have that.....family, spouses. I have four dogs that not only suck at bringing me tea or kleenex when I need, but are perfectly content with using me as a human trampoline despite my state of wellness! They snort into my tea (that I get myself) and one likes to eat kleenex.....yummy. So much for being looked after!

What's my point here? I have no blinking idea! I suppose we all spare others of the gruesome details of our colds or flus so as not to be overly repulsive and guarantee ourselves to be utterly on our own the next time we're sick. And I imagine it's probably best if we tough it out when we have to, as long as we know we have somewhere to turn to let it all out and find comfort. if you have a spouse that isn't afraid to hug you when you're sneezy, drippy and puffy, be thankful! If you're still at home and your mom makes you french toast when you have the ickies, be greatful! If you have a close friend that sends you goofy emails to cheer you up while you're weak and bedridden, give thanks! It's those moments of being able to be a wuss that make toughing it out the rest of the time worth it!

As for me, well, I do give my dogs credit......they follow my every move and are always there to lay near me. They also don't care how much I whine! I think it's okay to be pathetic sometimes, and perhaps even healthier than always trying to be a superhero about it. I suppose there's a balance. But for now I'm just Super Wuss! fighting the evil Dr.Germs with my sonic whine and ability to lay in bed for hours, boring them to death! Haha!

Clearly the cold medication is getting to me......

To blog, or not to blog?

That is the question.......that I've been asking myself lately, anyway. Only my fourth posting and already I'm thinking, "Why did I start this?" At first my biggest fear was people actually reading it! What would they think? Would I come across as stupid? Would it come back to haunt me? I managed to quickly throw those thoughts out the window, thankfully, and instead focused on the positive. I could express my creativity! I could share with others, feel connected, and perhaps even inspire! My fear turned to excitement, and I took the plunge!

Now I'm thinking I'm not the best swimmer!

I read my previous blogs and the first word that comes to mind is, "Ew!" (I wonder if "ew" is even a word....I should look that up.) I feel I've lost my creativity! I used to be poetic, visual, very articulate and, well, creative! To me my blogs are the equivalent of a lost and found box.....full of unwanted, useless, mis-matched items strewn in complete disarray and easily forgotten! Sure, I know I'm my own worst critic, but it's helped me realize just how out of touch I am with my artistic side! Part of me is discouraged by that, and the other part, inspired. But then I also realized that few really care to read my blog. I know of two people. But hey, that in itself doesn't really bother me! What does, however, is the knowledge that if I'm not writing well and no one is reading, then I'm not doing any good for anyone.....not encouraging or stimulating thought or laughter. My whole being revolves around reaching out to others, not myself! What good is writing a blog just for me? I talk to myself all the time.....I really don't think I need to write it down!

So here I am, splashing and flailing about, not quite sinking and not quite swimming!

Perhaps I just think too much....like, I still have "concerns" that my blog would be a laughing stock if people were actually reading it. I mean, seriously.....crazy dog lady here! Or maybe I'm too open with my thoughts, or try too hard to sound profound, or think I'm funny when really I'm far from humorous, or maybe......

I think too much!

So what exactly is a blog? I've read a few. Far as I can tell, they are "the person in words." If the person writing is optimistic, the blog is inspirational. If they're struggling, it's thought provoking. They're learning, it's informative. It shares feelings, events and those things most near and dear to the writer's heart. I suppose then that since I am somewhat erratic so too should be my blog! Maybe that's okay. I enjoy reading other people's blogs because it's like opening a window into their soul, not because it's well written or has a point to it.

Maybe it's okay to write for myself and just be true to who I am, and others can join me on my ark if they wish.....there is lots of room, after all! But I'm alright on a solo journey, too. Maybe it's a good way for me to get to know myself better! (and sounds like I need to learn to like myself more.) Somehow this blog brings out the strangest fears in me, but it just might be able to help me conquer them at the same time.

To blog, or not to blog......to sink or swim.....perhaps I'll just float a while!
For now, that's my answer.  :-)